“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
Isaiah 9:6
Is the above passage a prophecy concerning the one whom
Isaiah 53 is not a prophecy of Jesus, unless you ignore its original context and only focus on the potential ‘hits’ and ignore the clear ‘misses,’ using a hazy ‘pesher’ approach to its interpretation.
The trouble for Evangelical apologists is that there are no clear ‘dying/resurrected Messiah’ passages in the OT. And Isa. 53 is only advantageous to Christian apologists if they pick and choose which parts of it to emphasize and which to de-emphasize. For instance:
Was Jesus “despised [and] shunned by men?” According to Luke 4:15, he taught in the synagogue and everyone praised him. And huge crowds supposedly followed him, and he was described as making a ‘Triumphal Entry’ into Jerusalem (Matthew 21:8-11; John 12:12-13,17-19).
Was Jesus ‘familiar with disease’ and ‘stricken by God’ (where the Hebrew word for ‘stricken’ is one that is used in the Hebrew Scriptures to stand only for leprosy as at Leviticus 13:3,9,20 and 2 Kings 15:5).
Was Jesus silent before his accusers? In each of the four gospels Jesus opened his mouth and said something before his accusers, such as “You will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven.” Also, Jesus is accused of many things throughout the Gospels, like being a drunkard or possessed or breaking the law, or committing blasphemy and we can read his defense in each case, so Jesus had plenty of words for his accusers throughout his life per the Gospels. Christians read into the text that these were formal accusations as at a trial, but the text in Isaiah says no such thing, and as already stated, Jesus was not silent at his trial either, but is depicted as pronouncing counter judgment on his accusers by declaring that they would see the Son of Man coming soon.
Was Jesusʼ “grave set among the wicked, and with the rich, in his death.” According to some Gospel passages there were no other bodies in the tomb in which Jesusʼ body was placed. So his grave was with himself, not with the wicked or with the rich. (“Among the wicked and with the rich” in Isa. 53 might also refer to two equally notorious groups if this is a Hebrew poetic parallelism). Nor does this passage say anything about a rich man providing a place for the servant. Christians read Gospel stories into such vague statements. (And perhaps the earliest Gospel author invented his story, adding “two bandits” on either side of Jesus on the cross, and having a man bury Jesus in “a tomb hewn of rock”—a tomb only a rich person could afford so that his Jesus story deliberately echoed the passage in Isaiah?)
Was Jesus crushed by disease? “the Lord chose to crush him by disease, that if he made himself an offering for guilt, he might see offspring and have long life…” Did Jesus see any offspring, or have a long life?
“Therefore I will allot him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong.” Not sure how that applies to Jesus.
Does Isaiah 53 mention the Messiah? Verse 1 does not actually say that the servantʼs message would not be believed, but merely asks, “Who can believe what we have heard?” There seems to be no prophecy there at all. Nor is there any indication that the servant would be arrested as a criminal or scourged or crucified with criminals or make intercession for his persecutors. None of that is in there. Verse 6 does say, “the Lord visited upon him the guilt of us all,” but there are other interpretations of that than the Christian one.
There is a Judaic interpretation of Isaiah 53 that seems plausible. The suffering servant is the nation of Israel which is represented by King Uzziah, who was its king in Isaiahʼs time and who died of leprosy. According to Shmuel Golding, Isaiahʼs message may have been: “Here is your leprous king, who is in type suffering under Godʼs hand for you the backslidden servant nation of Israel” (which explains verse 6). Uzziah was taken away from the royal palace because of his affliction as a leper and spent his remaining years in isolation, which fits verse 8. Golding says the following:
Israel is portrayed as a suffering servant on account of its anointed leader being stricken with leprosy. Israel, like the leper, is a suffering servant of God. Both have suffered humiliation at the hand of their fellowmen: the leper because of his unsightly appearance; Israel through its defeat at the hands of the Babylonians. The gist of the message is that Israel like the leper has suffered, but nevertheless will retain its identity in the form of the exiled Jewish people and that they will prosper in this form. [Shmuel Golding, The Light of Reason, volume II (Jerusalem: The Jerusalem Institute of Biblical Polemics, 1989), p. 36.]
This interpretation of Isaiah 53 seems preferable to the Christian one because it does not suffer from drawbacks (1)-(6) mentioned above. It would also better explain the many changes of tense that occur in the chapter. And Israel is indeed referred to as ‘Godʼs servant’ (e.g., at Isa 49:3). However, the given interpretation does not make the chapter into a prophecy so much as an explanation of Israelʼs situation at around the time of Isaiah. At the very least, it shows, I think, that Isaiah 53 is not a clear example of a fulfilled prophecy (or set of fulfilled prophecies) in the Bible. So it is not any good support for premise (1) of the Argument from the Bible.
Also, per Ehrman, Many readers fail to consider the verb tenses in these passages in Isa 53. They do not indicate that someone will come along at a later time and suffer in the future. They are talking about past suffering. The Servant has already suffered — although he “will be” vindicated.
Christians thought that Jesus was the messiah, and they knew that he had been crucified. And so they developed the idea that the messiah was supposed to be crucified. (And they started to appeal to non-messianic texts such as Isaiah 53 and Psalm 22 in support of their views.)… Second Isaiah (Isaiah 40-55), almost universally thought by scholars to be written by a different author from chapters 1-39 (themselves written by Isaiah of Jerusalem in the 8th c. BCE). Second Isaiah was writing after the destruction of Judah and Jerusalem (including the temple) in 586 BCE, while the leaders of the people and many of the elite had been taken into exile in Babylon, in what is known as the Babylonian Captivity… Several important points concerning Isaiah 53:
The book of Second Isaiah itself indicates who the Servant of the Lord is. It is Israel, Godʼs people. In Isaiah 53, when the author describes the servantʼs past sufferings, he is talking about the sufferings they have experienced by being destroyed by the Babylonians. This is a suffering that has come about because of sins. But the suffering will be vindicated, because God will now restore Israel and bring them back to the land and enter into a new relationship with them.
It may be fairly objected that the Servant is said to suffer for “our” sins, not “his” sins. Scholars have resolved that problem in a number of ways. It may be that the author is thinking that the portion of the people taken into exile have suffered for the sins of those in the land — some of them suffering for the sins of all. Those who have been taken into captivity have suffered displacement, loss, and exile for the sake of everyone else. But now the servant — Israel — will be exalted and restored to a close relationship with God — and be used by him to bring about justice throughout the earth.
There may be problems with this interpretation — as there always are with every interpretation! — but the facts remain that the suffering servant is never described as the messiah, his suffering is portrayed as past instead of future, and he is explicitly identified on several occasions as “Israel.”
The “Servant of the Lord” in Isaiah: General Bibliography [Last updated 2015-05-18] click here.
Who Is the Servant of the Lord?: Jewish and Christian Interpretations on Isaiah 53 from Antiquity to the Middle Ages by Antti Laato, 2013, in-depth review by Alphonso Groenewald, click here.
“Kingship and Servanthood in the Book of Isaiah” by Ulrich Berges from a highly acclaimed volume published in 2014, The Book of Isaiah: Enduring Questions Answered Anew by Richard J. Bautch (Ed.), J. Todd Hibbard (Ed.), click here to read part of the article.
“For fundamentalists only: Isaiah 53 in context,” click here
Award winning Christian seminarian leaves the fold after examining the so-called Old Testament “Prophecies of Jesus” in detail: George Bethune English, The Grounds of Christianity Examined. For a bit of his story click here. For his view of Isaiah 53, click here and start reading at the paragraph beginning, “The next prophecy proposed to be considered, is the celebrated prophecy of Isaiah, consisting of part of the 52nd, and the whole of the 53rd chapter…”
Rabbi Tovia Singer (a conservative Jew who agrees that Scripture is inspired) defends Judaism against the Christian missionary selective quotation approach to the Hebrew Bible. Also does debates, and has recently re-edited his encyclopedic work that responds to numerous claims made by Christian missionaries, click here.
Fiddler Zvi disputes the Christian use of OT passages, including Isaiah 53, in an informative and entertaining fashion, click here.
Gerald Sigal, Isaiah 53: Who is the Servant? 307 pages, but a summary can be read for free by clicking here.
Uri Yosef, Counter Missionary Articles and Lessons, The Jewish Home. Click here then scroll down and click on the links to Identifying the “Suffering Servant.”
David Berger and Michael Wyschogrod, Jews & Jewish Christianity, a shorter work that discusses the use of Old Testament passages by Christians. Available for free along with many other pro-Jewish and anti-Christian missionary works, click here.
Rabbi Moshe Shulman, Judaismʼs Answer features many articles on Isaiah 53
Charles C. Hennell, An Inquiry Concerning the Origin of Christianity, 2d ed. (London: T. Allman, 1841), ch. 13, “On the Prophecies of Isaiah,” click here. See also, ch. 12, “On the Prophecies,” and ch. 14, “On the Prophecies of Daniel,” pp. 325-403
Michael Arnheim, Is Christianity True?, 1984, ch 6, “Fulfillment of Prophecy?”
Dewey M. Beegle, Prophecy and Prediction, 1978. An Evangelical Bible scholar and translator whose book on prophecy was composed in reply to various conservative views of Old Testament prophecy. Not available to read online, but copies can be obtained at oneʼs local library via inter-library loan. Info for Amazon purchase, click here. Beegleʼs testimony is also featured in Leaving the Fold: Testimonies of Former Fundamentalists.
According to the Bible, God made the stars on the fourth day of creation. But even more remarkable is the fact that He is creating them still, though the latter miracle is considered not worth mentioning by any of the Bibleʼs authors. (I wonder why? The creation of new stars in enormous stellar nurseries is being chronicled continually in magazines and journals like Astronomy, Sky & Telescope and The Astrophysical Journal, just to name a few.)
Still, creationists argue that
Iʼd say that creationists are missing the forest for the trees, which continue to grow from tiny seeds; trees that become forests that continue to reach out and envelop as much of the earth as they can, and whose members continue to branch off (forgive the pun) into new species as they do so.
And none of that violates the second law of thermo-d. In fact the enormous number of animals that perish is the price paid for evolution, because life is a series of hurdles that an organism either makes it over or not, starting with conception in sexually reproducing species, then having to survive embryogenesis (half of all human zygotes donʼt survive it, which is admitted by pro-lifers as well), surviving birth, surviving childhood illnesses and infections (half of all children didnʼt live past the age of eight according to Buffon writing in the 1750s), getting past every hurdle in the way of the continuance of life from the time of conception to sexual maturity and mating. There are hurdles galore, biological, environmental, social, et al. Thatʼs what natural selection is about, the weeding out of countless zygotes, babies, children, adolescents, such that only some of them survive to produce the next generation, or they produce more offspring than others. Meanwhile not just individuals are included in the selection process, because for every species that does well, many sub-species and/or cousin species, do not do well, but instead perish over time. So that overall, the price of decay, of thermo-dynamics is paid. Yes, the evolution of new species does come at a tremendous price that is paid by nature.
Christians are tireless debunkers of each othersʼ interpretations of the Bible (perhaps because many of them still believe the stakes are infinitely high, and they fear one unorthodox interpretation can lead to another down a slippery slope toward damnation. But see this rival interpretation of the so-called “slippery slope” argument according to more moderate Christian scholars.
Without enumerating each controversy between Christians let me point out a series of books by different Christian publishers that feature points and counterpoints, usually by conservative Christian theologians, who canʼt agree on how to understand points and practices related to Scripture, from Genesis to Revelation, and even disagree on what type of “authority” the Bible constitutes (click here for a sampling of such books).
Thanks to the internet, questions of biblical interpretation flow without ceasing. Aged scholars, eager young seminarians, and born again newbies are commenting on blogs, engaging in online forums and Facebook discussions, commenting on books at amazon.com, tweeting, contributing to carnivals like the “Biblical Studies Carnival” (google it by name, since it appears at different blogs run by biblical scholars each month), and older but prestigious newsgroups like XTalk: Historical Jesus & Christian Origins.
There are biblical scholars of all stripes who run their own “biblioblogs” (Biblical Studies Blogs), along with a list of the top 50 such blogs.
Books and articles on biblical studies have never been easier to seek and obtain (at the very least one can read abstracts and portions of books online and request the item at your local library via document delivery).
Summaries of the latest articles in biblical studies journals, summaries of the latest theses in biblical studies, summaries of the latest biblical studies books published by scholarly presses can be perused in the latest editions of New Testament Abstracts, a tri-annual publication that sums up the contents of current articles and books. (There is also a sister publication called Old Testament Abstracts.) Plenty of interesting and challenging pieces are listed among those abstracts.
For those who enjoy listening to free NT scholarship in mp3 format there are some podcasts I suggest. The questions raised by the following scholars are well worth pondering. (Iʼve heard them all, great stuff)
Mark Goodacre at Duke, NTPod
also available for download at iTunesU
(iTunesU features lectures from scholars at Oxford, Harvard, Stanford, etc.)
Dale Allison, The Historical Jesus and the Theological Christ
Dale also wrote The Historical Christ and the Theological Jesus, one of his shortest most accessible works that sums up many questions raised by historical Jesus scholars.
Audio/Video Courses Packed With NT Questions
(if you canʼt afford such courses try obtaining them via interlibrary loan at your local library—they are worth a listen!)
Luke Timothy Johnson;s Courses
See especially his course on Jesus and the Gospels.
Dale Martin at Yale, Introduction to the New Testament: History and Literature
also available for download at iTunesU
Dale Martin debated conservative Evangelical scholar/apologist, Michael Licona, and Dale raised some obvious knotty questions. (www.apologetics315.com serves as a clearing house for conservative Evangelical apologetics on the web, plenty to listen to there, as I have done, though you soon discover that apologists like Habermas, Keener, McGrew, Blomberg, and many others, were either raised Christian or converted in their teens, and they seem less interested in asking questions than supplying answers to fellow Christians with doubts, including themselves. But why not continue to ask questions, especially since the questions are obvious as pointed out by scholars at the sites I am sharing? And I donʼt think Martin, Goodacre, Allison or Sanchez are atheists, but they raise some interesting questions for their conservative brethren and recognize that “proving Gospel history” or even proving the physical resurrection of Jesus is far from being a slam dunk. And the theological questions are even more varied and slippery than the historical ones.)
I had heard Dale Martin via his free NT lectures at itunesU, so it was refreshing to see him debate Licona. After you listen to Daleʼs questions regarding the NTʼs resurrection stories you might want to read my post, A Carnival of Questions for Resurrection Apologists, which was posted before I had listened to the debate, though my questions mirror many of Daleʼs points.
Historical Commentary On The Gospel Of Mark is free and online, and is a passage by passage commentary of the entire Gospel of Mark, incorporating many questions and observations from an array of more secular-minded biblical scholars.
Robert M. Price, The Human Bible, a podcast (an introduction to basic scholarly distinctions and observations concerning the Bible, 35 programs thus far) or, The Human Bible Archive.
Beyond Born Again, a semi-autobiographical account of how and why Price came to question Evangelical apologetic arguments.
The Bible Geek, a podcast (over 300 episodes) or Bible Geek.
You can search for particular topics discussed in past shows by using the Firefox search engine and visiting which summarizes topics covered per show. Other search engines might not be able to call up that particular page.
10 Things Everyone Should Know About the Bible (with guest Robert M. Price), The Humanist Hour #111.
Price is also the author of these intriguing works.
Later Gospel stories appear to depend on earlier ones, starting with Mark (with new urban myths/tall tales arising about Jesus and added to each freshly written Gospel after such tales reached those authors in the Greek speaking world). Some of the most obvious Gospel trajectories (developments in the story from Mark, Matthew, Luke and finally John) are noted in this brief article: https://web.archive.org/web/20151011180542/https://www.umass.edu/wsp/journal/v1/wsp1-32%20trajectories.pdf The point is that many Evangelicals, including Evangelical apologists now accept Markan priority, but that priority can be extended by trajectory arguments, which establish a sequence of story development in the completed versions of each Gospel. There is even a Judas Trajectory, https://web.archive.org/web/20160828084716/https://www.umass.edu/wsp/journal/v1/wsp1-33%20judas.pdf
(The least respectful to Christianity of all the above podcasts, no verbal holds barred—but the podcasters take into account some of the same mainstream scholarly material covered by the scholars above. Not your average atheist criticism of the Gospels, but neither as detailed as the scholarship and sources mentioned above)
Introduced the 19th century public to a host of questions that biblical scholars were pondering. He included in his work responses to various apologetic arguments made at that time (which mirror to some degree replies made by some apologists today).
I made use of some of Straussʼ points when I composed this piece on the question, Did the Historical Jesus Speak About the Necessity of Being “Born Again?”. Questions raised by Bart Ehrman and David Friedrich Strauss.
The Life of Jesus Critically Examined, 4th edition, by D.F. Strauss
Or listen to The Life of Jesus Critically Examined as you read the above book,
There are some things even an Evangelical apologist canʼt help but notice and hence needs to try and explain away, like the endings that later Christians added to Mark (of which there are more than one, and even those appear in variant forms in different early texts).
Speaking of adding to Scripture, there is also evidence that Paulʼs letters feature interpolated material (1 Corinthians 14:34-35 and 1 Thessalonians 2:14-16). See this fascinating discussion and link to a slide show. These are basic questions raised by Pauline scholars, and arranged well by Richard Carrier. Worth pondering, along with William O. Walkerʼs arguments concerning additional interpolations in Paulʼs letters.
Furthermore, the Gospels, Matthew and Luke, Differ Most From Each Other in exactly those places where the ostensibly earliest Gospel, Mark, was silent, i.e., in their tales of Jesusʼ infancy and post-resurrection appearances (where Mark was silent, so neither Matthew nor Luke could maintain their closeness to one another by following Mark in those areas, hence they diverge the most from each other in exactly in those places).
Richard Carrier, VIDEO, Why the Gospels Are Myth: The Evidence of Genre and Content
Interesting stuff.
Charles Halton (Awilum), Claude Mariottini and Daniel O. McClellan examine a number of examples where NIV 2011 makes forced and spurious translations which appear to be favored for no other good reason than the fact that these “translations” harmonize various errors and contradictions in the Bible.
Such features continue to ensure that the NIV remains a devotional translation for Christian users and seminaries, not a translation for use in academic biblical studies. As Douglas Mangum (Biblia Hebraica et Graeca) summarizes: “It is clear that the translators are less interested in revealing the linguistic and literary complexity of the biblical world than with maintaining an ignorant publicʼs faith in the accuracy of the putative original language and text.”
John Hobbins (Ancient Hebrew Poetry) examines the new NIVʼs translation of Ecclesiastes 11.1-2, and finds that it is “not so much a translation as an interpretation,” because of its overwillingness to paraphrase the unclear or ambiguous Hebrew text.
Chuck Norris jokes often involve extreme exaggeration or hyperbole—which is the topic of this post—so letʼs begin with a few laughs:
Chuck Norris is the reason why Bigfoot is always hiding.
Chuck Norris beat the sh*t out of his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Some kids p*ss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can p*ss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris doesnʼt sweat. He forces the air around him to cry and uses its tears to cool himself.
On the first day God made Chuck Norris and told him to take it from there.
Chuck Norris came up with the “Big Bang Theory” … His round house kick is why we have the cosmos.
There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking you in the face.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
At night the Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norrisʼ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFKʼs head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris can count to infinity.
Chuck Norris doesnʼt cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris once punched a man back into a monkey. Therefore proving evolution at the same time.
Chuck Norris only gives one Xmas present. He allows you to live.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Iʼve brought up “hyperbole” (starting with Chuck Norris jokes) because Christian apologist, Paul Copan defends God as presented in the Hebrew scriptures from the charge of genocide by claiming that Godʼs commands to wipe out Canaan and not leave anyone standing, including women, children, and even livestock are hyperbole and that such expressions were commonly used to indicate a severe attack but did not mean that literally no one at all would survive.
Unfortunately that appears to be the best defense that apologists have come up with, and I agree with Copan that the Bible features hyperbole as weʼll see below. But in my opinion thereʼs too many “God directly killed,” and also “God told me to kill” verses in the Bible, and they arenʼt all directed at Canaanites. Anyone can google up verses in the OT in which Godʼs jealousy and or wrath drowns everyone in the world (even Copan probably admits that the flood story sounds a bit massive, even genocidal if you interpret such a judgment as taking place worldwide rather than locally); or, God sends plagues, famines and armies (not to mention poisonous snakes and even opening up the ground) to kill some of His own people; or, God has some chosen people kill other chosen people; or, God has his chosen people kill unchosen people.
Even the NT reflects the leftover stench of some of those jealous and wrathful OT portraits of God such as in 1 Cor. 11:29-30 where Paul claims “… anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep [died].” So, Paul says God still sent illnesses and death, even to his newly chosen people, Christians, based on how badly they mismanaged their celebration of the Lordʼs supper. While Acts tells how a married couple were both struck dead for lying about giving everything they had to their local friendly Christian commune. They gave something, but apparently they lied about having given literally everything. Maybe God didnʼt understand that they were not lying, but just practicing a little hyperbole of their own when they stated that they had “given all?” Either way, boom, both fell instantly dead. Or take the book of Revelation where Jesus and God bring peace on earth by way of unleashing hell on earth first. See also these verses from Jesus in the Gospels, “Do you suppose that I [Jesus] came to grant peace on earth? I came not to bring peace, but a sword” (Mat. 10:34); or, “Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on earth? I tell you, no, but rather division … I have come to cast fire on the earth and how I wish it were already kindled.” (Luke 12:49,51)). Therefore, whether or not Godʼs commands in the OT constitute utter and complete genocide rather than merely “severely murderous attacks” upon lots of people (including his own chosen people) is not exactly going to restore my faith in either God or the Bible. Instead I want to bring up another point, namely wide spread use of hyperbole in the Bible, and the Bibleʼs cultural-centrism as well, since the Israelites shared with their neighbors a willingness to go “all the way” verbally, to try and make their beliefs/culture/god(s)/people appear like the world revolved around them and their god and their laws, etc.
So in my opinion questions related to hyperbole in the Bible merely raise more questions for Christians who believe in the Bibleʼs special inspiration, and provide yet more evidence that the books of the Bible are ancient Near Eastern documents, and contain the same exaggerated speech, boastful lies and holy hyperbole common for that day and age.
Take the case of King Hammurabi of Babylon and his Code of Laws compared with Moses and his laws. Even by conservative scholarʼs reckoning Hammurabi lived prior to Mosesʼ day. And a stele was discovered that contains the law code of Hammurabi
and on top of the stele is the carved image of Shamash, the supreme sun god and judge, who is seen offering to Hammurabi a rod and ring that symbolize authority. These two symbols are apparently derived from buildersʼ tools—measuring stick and coiled rope. The implication is that the king is to build social order. The reference to buildersʼ tools reminds us of the importance of building as another means of giving physical testimony to a rulerʼs power. The stele thus asserts the divine sanction of Hammurabiʼs power, and that the social order he constructs is a reflection of a divine order.
The story of Moses is similar, since Moses meets with his god and receives two objects from him (stone tablets) and then proceeds to compose laws suitable for a nation. Both stories strike one as ancient Near Eastern attempts to explain the origin of laws and add authoritative backing to them. But since we donʼt believe that Hammurabiʼs story literally happened, what about the later story, the one involving Moses?
Another example of an ancient Near Eastern culture-centric justification story is the OT tale about King David having received special instructions directly from Yahweh on how to build His temple. Just as in the case of Hammurabi and Moses above, a non-Hebrew tale preceded the Hebrew one. King Thutmose of Egypt lived before the day of King David, and an ancient inscription says that Thutmose received instructions directly from his god, an Egyptian deity, about how His temple should be built. Since we donʼt believe that an Egyptian god actually spoke to Thutmose telling him how he wanted his temple designed, why should we treat the later Hebrew story as if it was literally true? Again, they could both be culture-centric stories that arose to add “divine” justification for the temples each of those kings built.
And ancient Near Eastern comparisons donʼt cease there.
The Bible begins with the exaggerated ages of biblical patriarchs. But ANE king lists also featured exaggerated ages.
And speaking of exaggerations letʼs focus again on some of the hyperbole that I mentioned could be found in the Bible, stuff that I think raises more questions than answers concerning alleged claims of the Bibleʼs “inspiration.” After all, maybe even the claim that the Bible is “inspired” is hyperbole?
The Bible features exaggerated numbers of people wandering in the desert for forty years and exaggerated tales related to such massive numbers of desert wanderers, such as the story about them traveling every day and night, following a pillar of smoke by day and a pillar of fire by night, and their clothing never wearing out during those forty years of incessant “wandering.” For more on exaggerations related to the Bibleʼs Exodus story click here.
And thereʼs the exaggerated abundance of the Promised Land, a land “flowing with milk and honey?” Certainly it was more abundant than a Middle Eastern desert, but compared with a lush tropical island or even compared with Europe, the Promised Land appears relatively meager, barren, and features a parched wilderness as well as a Dead Sea. (Europe on the other hand truly is a promised land as it happens to be the only continent that doesnʼt have a desert.)
Ancient Near Eastern records include exaggerations concerning the size of armies, and numbers of people slain. So does the Bible since it states that King David and King Saul fielded armies larger than those of Alexander the Great, larger than those that battled in Europe and America in the 18th and 19th centuries. Did King David have 1.57 million troops (1 Chron. 21:5)…or 340,000 plus the muster of Issacher…or 1.3 million (depending on which verses you read). While King Saul could field 210,000 troops? (1 Sam. 15:4) Hyperbolic numbers most likely.
Did the Hebrew warriors Abishai & Jashobeam each slay 300 men using only a spear (2 Sam. 23:8 & 1 Chron. 11:11)?
But thatʼs nothing, because Shamgar slew 600 men with an ox-goad (Judges 3:31).
And Adino slew 800 with a spear (2 Sam. 23:8) Do ya suppose Adino was the inventor of Shish-ka-bob?
Last but not least, Samson slew 1000 men with the jaw-bone of an ass (Judges 15:15). Iʼd say more hyperbole.
“Among all this people there were seven hundred chosen men left-handed; every one could sling stones at a hairʼs breath, and not miss.” Judges 20:16 Yet more hyperbole. Even the greatest sharp shooters at the turn of the last century, who performed in Wild West traveling shows and who shot cards out of each otherʼs hands, did not retire with all their fingers—because they “missed” some shots by “a hairʼs breath.”
Or take this nauseatingly hyperbolic passage, not the only such passage in the Bible:
“Their slain shall be cast out, and their stink shall come up out of their carcasses, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood.” Isaiah 34:3
And speaking of the Bibleʼs use of the word “all,” itʼs practically everywhere. Take Genesis 4:21, “Jubal: he was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ [or flute, NIV].” “All?” Were the ancient Hebrews claiming that one person in particular brought musical instruments to the world, just as the Greeks portrayed Prometheus as the one human-like god who brought fire down from heaven and gave it to all of humanity? It would appear so, even though stringed instruments and blowing instruments were probably invented numerous times by countless numbers of people over the ages and round the world after someone plucked something or blew into something and enjoyed what they heard.
Another biblical passage states: “… all the people that we saw are men of a great stature. And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.” Numbers 13:32-33 But if “all the people” were of such great size, one wonders how to account for the apparently normal size of Rahab, the Gibeonites, and others that Joshua encounters upon entering Canaan 38 years later (cf. Joshua 6:25, 9:3-15).—Peter T. Chattaway, Giants in the Bible
“The famine was over all the face of the earth … And all countries came unto Egypt to Joseph to buy corn; because the famine was so sore in all lands.” Genesis 41:56,57
“All the kings of the earth sought the presence of Solomon, to hear his wisdom.” 2 Chronicles 9:23
In the Bible thereʼs also exaggerated promises such as “I have set my king upon the holy hill of Zion… Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen [as slaves] for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession. Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron.” Psalm 2:6,8,9,12 Such a psalm is believed to have been sung at the coronation of Hebrew kings. But itʼs a wild exaggeration, no? Though it must be admitted that this psalm later proved popular with some Catholics and Protestants many centuries later who cited it as at least partial justification for “breaking” of the “heathen,” driving them into slavery and stealing their land in alleged fulfillment of this exaggerated Biblical promise.
“This day will I begin to put … the fear of thee upon the nations that are under the whole heaven, who shall hear report of thee, and shall tremble, and be in anguish because of thee.” Deuteronomy 2:25 [under the whole heaven?]
“A decree went out from Caesar Augustus that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth.” Luke 2:1
“A great famine all over the world took place in the reign of Claudius.” Acts 11:28
“The devil took him [Jesus] up into an exceedingly high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them.” Matthew 4:8 “All” from an exceedingly high mountain? Perhaps thatʼs how the ancients pictured the earth, namely that “all” of it was within their “view?” Compare the preceding statements, and those below as well.
Exaggerated promises and commands are also found in the NT like the command to pluck out oneʼs eye, hate oneʼs father and mother, or the command to give to all who ask, asking nothing in return. And the promise that you wonʼt be hurt.
And thereʼs the exaggeration with which the fourth Gospel ends, “And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written, every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen.” John 21:25
In Paulʼs letters he spoke in hyperbolic fashion concerning the Gospel having reached the whole earth, Romans 10:18; 16:25-26; Colossians 1:5-6,23. But, “Their voice” (of Christians proclaiming the Gospel) had only reached a handful of churches in the Roman Empire when Paul wrote the above verses. The Gospel had not reached, nor been proclaimed in “all the earth,” nor “to the ends of the world,” nor “to all nations,” and certainly not “in all creation under heaven,” not like Paul said it “has” and “was.” (Three billion people on earth still havenʼt heard “the Gospel,” at least not according to a statement made by the Southern Baptist Convention in 2004. Though that could be a slight counter exaggeration *smile* depending on the inclusivity of oneʼs theology).
If an all-wise God had inspired the Bible He would have been able to give its human authors a few inspired geography lessons, just to show them how big the earth really is. Instead the Bible appears to contain the same exaggerated speech, boastful lies and holy hyperbole common for its day and age, rather than evidence of special inspiration.
Furthermore, if the Bible is speaking in an exaggerated fashion when it speaks of “all the earth,” “to the ends of the earth,” “from the uttermost parts of the earth,” “all the inhabited earth,” “in all creation under heaven,” “under all the heavens,” and, “every nation under heaven,” then how can anyone be expected to assume that the statement, “everywhere under the heavens,” as found in the tale of the Flood of Noah isnʼt also an exaggeration? (It says in Gen. 7:17, “The water prevailed … and all the high mountains everywhere under the heavens were covered.” So why canʼt Young-Earth Creationist “Flood geologists” admit that the phrase, “everywhere under the heavens,” might very well be another form of exaggerated hyperbole to make the Hebrew version of the Flood story (which they adapted from the Sumerians/Babylonians) sound impressive and appeal to the cultural-centrism of the Hebrewʼs? After all, the Hebrews did also change the name of the storyʼs hero and the name of the mountain upon which the boat eventually rested, to suit their culture.
Having run across so many instances of cultural-centric exaggerated speech in the Bible and in the ancient world in general, one even wonders what is to become of the central Christian boast, an exaggeration par excellence, namely that Jesus died for the sins of “the world?” Believers from every sacred tradition boast that their beliefs affect “the world,” or must be taken seriously by “the world.” Must they? I cannot take seriously many instances in which Biblical authors exaggerate concerning the extent of a famine, a census, the distance to the queen of Shebaʼs residence “lying at the uttermost ends of the earth,” the extent to which the Gospel message itself has “already been” spread, the extent of a flood, etc. And, didnʼt “orthodox” Christian doctrines and theology arise via exaggerating the relative importance of some NT writings and teachings above others (as well as by exaggerating the importance of some interpretations of those sayings above rival interpretations)?
De Laicis is the title of Saint Robert Bellarmineʼs Treatise on Civil Government, and features the same general conclusion found in Luther and Calvinʼs writings, namely that it was the duty of the state to punish blasphemers and heretics. The final chapters, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 should be required reading for Christians today, lest they forget what role the Bible and church tradition played in supporting religious intolerance in the past.
Below are some paragraphs from “Saint” Bellarmine in chapter 21 that illustrate one way to interpret the Bible, a way shared by Bellarmine, Luther and Calvin, the latter of whom Bellarmine mentions approvingly in so far as their views overlap with it comes to persecuting heretcs, but Bellarmine could have cited Luther and Melanchthon on the same matter. (This was also the same Bellarmine who played the role of prosecutor in Catholic church cases against Giordano Bruno and Galileo):
John Calvin, after he had publicly punished as a heretic Michael Servetus with the ultimate penalty, and after it was debated by other sectarians, published a book in which he demonstrates that it is permissible to take notice of heretics with a sword. Also Benedict Aretus, in a history of the punishment of Valentius Gentilis, argues that the same Gentilis was rightly punished by the Magistrate Bernensis. Theodore Beza [Calvinʼs successor in Geneva] teaches the same, at greater length, in a book on the punishment of heretics by a magistrate.
Incorrigible heretics, and especially recidivists, can and should be expelled by the Church and be punished by the secular powers with temporal punishments and even by death itself.
The first proof is from Scripture: The Scripture of the Old Testament (in Deuteronomy XIII, 12) commands most severely that false prophets who encourage the worship of false gods be put to death, and in Chapter XVII, after saying that in doubtful cases the High Priest should be consulted, soon adds: “If the person is haughty, however, and is unwilling to obey the command of the High Priest, let him die by the sentence of the judge. (Deuteronomy XVII, 12). And, again, in Chapter XVIII, the false prophet is sentenced to be killed. And, in reality, Elias (or Elijah), Josias (Josiah), Jehu, and others observed this law by killing a great many false prophets, as is clear from III Kings, XVIII, and IV Kings, X and XXIII, there is almost no difference between our heretics and the false prophets of those days. Nor did only the holy Kings and Prophets punish blasphemers with death, but even Nabuchodonosor [now more often spelled Nebuchadnezzar], as is said in Daniel III, promulgated an edict, that whoever should blaspheme the God of Daniel, that is, the true God, should be put to death and his home be destroyed; in the same edict, he performed a most worthy service to the True God, as St. Augustine remarks in his Epistle 50 and elsewhere. In the New Testament, in Matthew XVIII, we find that the Church can excommunicate and treat as aliens and tax-gatherers those who refuse to obey and to allow them to be treated by the secular powers as no longer children of the Church. We have, then, in Romans XIII, 4, that the secular power can punish criminals with the sword: “It is not without purpose that the ruler carries a sword; he is Godʼs servant, to inflict His avenging wrath upon the wrongdoer.” From these two scriptural passages, it can be clearly inferred that it is permissible that heretics, who by the judgment of all are rebels against the Church and disturbers of public peace, be cut off from the Church and be punished with death by a secular judge.
Moreover, Christ and His Apostles have placed heretics in the same category as those matters that can be disposed of, without question, by fire and sword; for in Matthew VII the Lord says: “Be on your guard against false prophets, who come to you in sheepʼs clothing but underneath are wolves on the prowl.” In Acts 20: 29: “I know that when I am gone, savage wolves will come among you who will not spare the flock.” It is certain that heretics ought to be known by the title of “wolves,” as St. Ambrose explains in his commentary on the beginning of Chapter X of St. Luke. But ravenous wolves are killed for an excellent reason, if they cannot otherwise be driven away; for much more should be made of the lives of the sheep than of the deaths of wolves. Likewise, in John X, 1: “Truly, I assure you: Whoever does not enter the sheepfold through the gate but climbs in some other way is a thief and a marauder.” Under the name of thief and marauder heretics are meant, and all subversives and founders of sects, as Chrysostom and Augustine explain; how thieves and marauders should be punished has been explained. Likewise, in II Timothy, II, heresy is compared to a cancer which is not cured by medications but should be excised with a knife, otherwise it will spread progressively and the whole body will be destroyed. Finally, Christ, in John, Chapter II, using a whip forces the merchants to leave the temple. Peter, in Acts V, killed Ananias and Sapphira because they had presumed to lie to the Holy Spirit; and Paul, in Acts XIII, vs. 6-12, struck with blindness the false prophet who was trying to keep Sergius Paulus, the Roman proconsular governor, from the Faith.
Bellarime ends his book with this paragraph at the end of chapter 22:
An Eighteenth Argument [against the punishment of heretics]: Never did the Apostles call upon the secular arm. [But] St. Augustine replies (in Letter 50, and elsewhere) that the Apostles never did because then there was no Christian Ruler they could call upon. For, at that time, the words of the Psalm (II, 2 & 10) were verified: “The kings of the earth, and the princes conspire together against the Lord and against His anointed.” (v. 2) And after the time of Constantine, that began to be verified which is written later in the same Psalm: “And now, O kings, give heed; take warning, you rulers of the earth: Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice before Him; with trembling pay homage to him… ” (vs. 10-12) Soon the Church implored the help of the secular arm.
There are very few if any words of the resurrected Jesus in the earliest New Testament writings. Reports of the number of words attributed to the resurrected Jesus appear to have grown over time.
Even conservative scholars agree that the first letter by Paul to the Corinthians was composed earlier than the Gospels. That letter only informs us that “Jesus appeared,” without further description. Neither does the order and numbers of the people to whom “Jesus appeared” match later descriptions found in the Gospels.
The next earliest writing is the Gospel of Mark. Like 1 Cor. it contains no words of the resurrected Jesus. Most scholars agree that Mark breaks off with “the women” being “afraid” and adds that they fled and “told no one” about what they had seen at Jesusʼ tomb. Some suggest that the Gospel of Mark originally did not stop at that point, but had verses about meeting the resurrected Jesus that were somehow lost (God couldnʼt stop it from being lost? God wanted it lost?), while others point out that Mark was most probably written on a scroll and it is unlikely that a scroll would have its ending lost since the ending is the most protected part when a scroll is rolled up. Whichever happened, early Christians do not appear to have been satisfied with Mark ending with women fleeing in fear from an empty tomb and “telling no one,” because scholars have discovered early copies of Mark featuring both a long and short added ending, along with variants of both. It wasnʼt until the fifth century CE that the long ending of Mark attained dominance both in early texts and in the works of early Christian theologians. But up till the fourth century, the long ending remained in dispute, and theologians noted that they had seen both the long ending and the ending with the women leaving the tomb and “telling no one.”
The long ending of Mark features commands and promises from the resurrected Jesus that include, “Ye shall take up serpents and drink poison and they shall not harm you,” and, “He who believes not shall be damned.” Such words may have been invented by early Christians. Even a few Christians today continue to take such commands/promises so seriously as to “pick up serpents” and “drink poison” at their services.
Therefore, looking at the earliest surviving church writings on the resurrection, Paul in 1st Cor., and the Gospel of Mark, they both lack words spoken by the risen Jesus. (Though some claim that the long ending of Mark contained some words of the risen Jesus, it should also be pointed out that they are not many, 84. And disputed by the majority of scholarly experts.)
The Gospel of Matthew (chapter 28) contains 79 words of the resurrected Jesus. So we have gone from zero to a textually disputed 84, to a far less textually disputed 79. Scholarly consensus places Matthew after Mark chronologically, and before Luke-Acts. Matthewʼs crucifixion and resurrection stories parallel even the exact wording in Mark more closely than Matthew parallels Luke. Matthew, unlike Luke, also copies Markʼs message at the tomb that “He has gone before you unto Galilee, THERE you shall see him.” Here are Matthewʼs words of the resurrected Jesus, 79 English words in translation:
“Greetings. Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Reading those 79 words, one can see how they mirror what the early church had already begun to teach new converts, a sort of catechism in brief, but placed, perhaps by the church, into the mouth of the resurrected Jesus. Not a very convincing example of post-resurrection speech. Matthewʼs Gospel also ends with a very brief tale about people claiming to see the raised Jesus on a mountain in Galilee, “but some doubted.”
The Gospel of Luke (chapter 24) contains 191 words (in English translation) of the resurrected Jesus, more than double the number found in Matthew. And besides those 191, Luke adds a story about the raised Jesus (traveling incognito) and speaking an untold number of words during a walk to Emmaus, words that allegedly explained where “the Christ” was mentioned in “all the Scriptures.” Therefore Luke alludes to the raised Jesus being so talky that he gave a peripatetic seminar, “…beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.” (Luke 24:27) Unfortunately not one word is preserved today of that seminar. But here are all the alleged words of the resurrected Jesus that appear in Luke:
“What are you discussing together as you walk along?… What things?… How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?”
“Peace be with you. Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have. Do you have anything here to eat? This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms. This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”
Those are all the words of the resurrected Jesus in the third Gospel.
However, the Gospel of Luke and Book of Acts are a combined work and together they feature even more alleged words of the resurrected Jesus. (There is debate as to the authorship of the Book of Acts, i.e., whether a later writer edited notes/work and finished it in Lukeʼs name. Some verses in Acts suggest the latter view may be nearer the truth. See the latest edition of Bart Ehrmanʼs textbook on The New Testament for a discussion of which verses in Acts raise such questions, and how scholars respond to each othersʼ questions on this issue. See also Gary Willsʼs work, What Paul Meant, that features a brief summary of such questions.)
According to the Gospel of Luke, the resurrected Jesus appears first to two unnamed disciples on the road to Emmaus, mentioned above, then later that same day to the apostles, all of them at once, and eats some fish to prove heʼs “not a spirit” but has “flesh and bone,” and then “led them as far as Bethany” to a mount near Jerusalem, and rose into the sky. But the Book of Acts expands the time that the physically resurrected Jesus remained on earth making it “40 days” before Jesusʼ bodily ascension/disappearance into heaven. That means that the Book of Acts implied that resurrected Jesus spoke lots more than even Luke was able to record, and over a period of forty days, during which he spoken and ate with the disciples. So the story of the number of words allegedly spoken by the resurrected Jesus continued to grow, even from Lukeʼs Gospel to the Book of Acts.
And, neither the “seminar on prophecy” allegedly delivered “on the road to Emmaus” nor many words of the “40 days” of preaching exist, except for the very last ones with which Acts 1:3 begins, “He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God. Once when he [the resurrected Jesus] was eating with them, he commanded them … Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit… It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
Is anyone supposed to believe that the disciples failed to report, or failed to record (or God failed to preserve) many post-resurrection sayings and sermons by Jesus, which Luke says Jesus taught over a period of forty days? No scraps of table conversation while eating with the resurrected Jesus, just the final goodbye speech? Thatʼs it? I tend to think that speeches by a dead man risen from the grave would have been taken greater note of, moreso than speeches Jesus spoke while alive.
(Furthermore, in the case of the “prophecy seminar” that Jesus allegedly delivered “on the road to Emmaus,” the Scriptures do not state in unequivocal fashion that “the Christ must die and then after three day arise.” So the question remains as to what clear Scriptural proofs Jesus could have even cited concerning a Christ who “must die and then must rise after three days.” That simply raises a red flag as to the story in Luke about the whole Road to Emmaus story.)
Furthermore, how is anyone supposed to believe that it was only in later Gospels that stories first arose concerning the raised Jesus speaking wordy dialogues? And as I asked already, why arenʼt those dialogues preserved?
Note that these same Gospel authors cribbed from one another, relying mostly on Markʼs and Qʼs collection of sayings and stories to form the Gospels, Matthew and Luke. And the latter two Gospels differ most in the very sections where they could not follow Mark, i.e., in their infancy and resurrection stories. But what the latter two Gospels lacked in originality (reproducing over 90% of everything in the earliest Gospel, Mark, including incidental connecting phrases), they apparently tried to made up for via imaginative allusions to so-called previously unrecorded conversations with the raised Jesus that mouthed creeds already believed and provided a “40 day” period during which the raised Jesus, still on earth per Acts, allegedly continued to teach his disciples. Though no one knows what if anything the raised Jesus actually said since thereʼs only allusions to such speeches in Luke-Acts.
Contra Luke-Acts, I suspect that the words of anyone who was dead and came back, and whom I got to spend several weeks with, would stick with me a bit more. Same thing goes for all the lost words of others who allegedly returned from the dead, like the Gospel of Matthewʼs “many raised saints who entered the holy city and appeared to many,” or Lazarus in the Fourth Gospel who allegedly returned from the dead.
Also keep in mind that there are no first person stories in the N.T. concerning meeting the raised Jesus or meeting those whom he allegedly raised from the dead. The only first person story in the N.T. comes from Paul in 1 Cor., who wrote that “Jesus … appeared to me.” No further description given by Paul himself in any of his letters. Everything else (such as the story of the appearance of Jesus to Paul in Acts) is a second, third, or fourth hand story.
As stated earlier, not only the Gospel of Luke but also the companion volume, Acts, features additional alleged sayings of the resurrected Jesus. Iʼve mentioned a few of them above, but there are others I have not yet mentioned, namely words that the author of Acts says were spoken to Paul by Jesus. But Paul himself in his letters never mentions hearing so many words. Never mentions a single word spoken by the resurrected Jesus. And these words in Acts read like a late expansion or legendary elaboration that partisan religious believers of all sorts are prone to concocting after a story is repeated, perhaps they were invented to “spell it out” for the reader. One need only compare the endless words a conservative pastor can squeeze out of a single verb even today once he starts sermonizing upon it. Here is the preachy version of what Paul allegedly heard, not as recorded in Paulʼs own letters nor even in Paulʼs own words, but as told by the author of the book of Acts, chapter 26:
“‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’ ‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting’. ‘Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen of me and what I will show you. I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’” (117 words)
Total number of alleged words spoken by the resurrected Jesus in the Gospel of Luke and the Book of Acts combined? 397 words (depending of course on your particular English translation). But, minus the long didactic speech of Jesus to Paul on the road to Damascus: 280.
The Gospel of John, the final Gospel written, contains 283 words of the resurrected Jesus. Thatʼs 92 more words of the resurrected Jesus than appeared in the Gospel of Luke, and 204 more words than appeared in Matthew.
Here are the alleged words of the resurrected Jesus per the Fourth Gospel:
“Woman, why are you crying?. Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?. Mary. Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”
“Peace be with you!. Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you. Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” “Peace be with you! Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe. Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
“Friends, havenʼt you any fish?. Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some. Bring some of the fish you have just caught. Come and have breakfast. Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?. Feed my lambs. Simon son of John, do you truly love me?. Take care of my sheep. Simon son of John, do you love me?. Do you love me?. Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go. Follow me!. If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”
The Gospel of John ends with these words, not spoken by Jesus but by that Gospelʼs author(s):
“And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written, every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen.” (John 21:25)
“I suppose that the world could not contain…” “I suppose?” Is that any way to end an inspired Gospel, with mere “supposition?” As for the supposition itself, that the “world itself could not contain the books,” the books we do have that tell of “things Jesus did,” consist of only four slim “Gospels,” not one of them over forty pages in length. Two of them, Matthew and Luke, even repeat over 90% of what appears in Mark including incidental phrases and passages in Greek. So the four Gospels that tell of “things Jesus did,” minus the overlapping portions would be even slimmer. (And speaking of the “world” being unable to “contain the books,” the Fourth Gospel writers were apparently not granted the psychic ability to foresee that one day we might be able to store whole libraries in a laptop computer).
Among those “many other things which Jesus did,” some of them can no doubt be found in the bevy of non-canonical Gospels and Acts that believers continued to write over time. It is apparent that by the time the fourth Gospel was composed such stories could have already been begun circulating in droves. Otherwise why would the author of the Fourth Gospel end his Gospel with such words? They certainly fit the idea that a plethora of stories abounded in the authorʼs day. One such non-canonical Gospel that we know about was The Gospel of Nicodemus, and itʼs author expanded on the tale in Matthew about “the many raised saints,” identifying some of them. Other non-canonical Gospels told about miracles Jesus allegedly performed in his infancy and youth. And the “Gospel of Peter” even describes Jesus stepping out of his opened tomb, something that neither Mark, Matthew, Luke, nor John, say that anyone “saw.”
Hereʼs the Word Count once again, in the order in which these works were most likely composed:
Paul 0 words
Mark 0 words (the disputed long ending of Mark, 84 words)
Matthew 79 words
Luke 191 words
Acts 208 words
John 283 words
Many of the words allegedly spoken by the raised Jesus also read like statements devout church leaders could and would have put into the resurrected Jesusʼ mouth to suit the early churchʼs belief in its own heavenly centrality and broadening missionary ideals. Like when Matthewʼs resurrected Jesus says, “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” Or when Lukeʼs resurrected Jesus says, “Repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.” Or when Johnʼs resurrected Jesus says, “As the Father has sent me, I am sending you. Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
Why are those blessed who believe without seeing? Because credulity pleases God Almighty? Then we should also believe the creation accounts too, as written, right? Because Jesus mentioned Adam and Eve and Noah like they were genuine folks and related to genuine events that God had a hand in, right? Where and when exactly does “not believing” or asking questions become a virtue?
“Religions promise a reward for excellence of the will or heart, but none for excellence of the head or understanding.” (Arthur Schopenhauer)
“I do not believe that the same God who endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect had intended for us to forgo their use.” (Galileo)
“The silly fanatic repeats to me that it is not for us to judge what is reasonable and just in the divine Being. That His reason is not like our reason, that His justice is not like our justice. Eh? How, you mad demoniac, shall we judge justice and reason otherwise than by the notions we have of them? Do you want us to walk otherwise than with our feet, and speak otherwise than with our mouths?” (Voltaire)
How does one reconcile ALL of the biblical instructions that I list below? Jesus judged and even cursed people, aiming most of them at the Pharisees (Gospel of Matthew) and at “the Jews” (Gospel of John) saying “ye know whose children ye are” [Satanʼs]). While Paul said, “may their knife slip” when speaking of “the circumcisers.” Paul also cursed certain people and declared them “anathema.” BUT Christians are also commanded to NOT judge anyone outside (or inside) the church (depending on the verse), and commanded to act “meekly” and “humbly” even in the face of curses from others and certain death:
2 Peter 2:21-23 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
Numbers 12:3 Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.
2 Cor. 10:1 I, Paul, myself urge you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ— I who am meek when face to face with you, but bold toward you when absent!
1 Corinthians 4:5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of menʼs hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.
Matthew 5:5,7,9,44 Blessed are the meek… Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy…Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God… I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,…
Psalm 34:14b …seek peace and pursue it.
Proverbs 17:5b, 24:17, 25:21 (New International Version) Whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished. Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he s tumbles, do not let your heart rejoice… If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
Colossians 4:5-6 (NLT) “Live wisely among those who are not Christians and make the most of every opportunity. Let your converstation be gracious and effective so that you will have the right answer for everyone.”
Colossians 3:8 &17 “But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander and dirty language…‘And whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus, all the while giving thanks through Him to God the Father.’”
I Corinthians 5:12,13 “What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. ‘Expel the wicked man from among you.’”
James 4:11 Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge.
James 4:12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
Apparently a lot is left up to individuals to determine for themselves how best to act. The famed Scottish Christian, Thomas Erskine, put it this way:
The most zealous defenders of the verbal inspiration of the Bible admit that there are parts of it of less importance than others. This is a great admission, because another is involved in it, namely that we ourselves must be judges of the comparative importance of these different parts.
Also compare the following verses:
Job 5:2 says, “For wrath kills the foolish man, and envy slays the silly one.” So “wrath” is connected with “the foolish man” yet compare:
Let me [Yahweh] alone that my wrath may wax hot against them.
- Exodus 32:10 (See also Numbers 16:46)
The Lord shall swallow them up in his wrath, and the fire shall devour them.
- Psalm 21:9
God often angrily loses his temper:
That the Lord may turn from the fierceness of his anger.
- Deut. 13:17
He made Israel to sin to provoke the Lord God of Israel to anger with their vanities.
- 1 Kings 16:26 (See also: Ex. 32:10; Num. 11:1,16:46, 32:13-14; Judges 3:8, 2:20; 1 Kings 14:9,15:30, 16:2, 16:7, 16:13; 2 Kings 13:3; 2 Samuel 24:1; 2 Chron. 34:25; Psalm 18:7 & Jer. 44:6; Nahum 1:2)
Or take the story about Moses descending from a mountain holding Ten Commandments, one of which says, “Do not kill.” But Moses saw that some of the people had begun worshipping idols, and he says, “Kill every man your [idol worshipping] neighbor.” (Ex. 32:27)
So, depending on the circumstances, we have either “Love your neighbor” (Lev. 19:18 & the Gospels), or, “Kill every man your neighbor.” (Ex. 32:27)
And the same Moses who taught “Do not kill” also commanded the Israelites to “kill every [Midianite] male among the little ones?” (Num. 31:17)
And what about the use of the word “Blessed” to describe two very different sentiments in Matthew 5:9 and Psalm 137:9, respectively:
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.”
“Blessed will be the one who dashes your little ones against the rock.”
Or take Psalm 34:14, “Seek peace, and pursue it;” and Luke 2:14, “Peace on earth, good will toward men [at Jesus’s birth];” and Jesus’s teaching, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God” (Mat. 5:9), and “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you” (John 14:27a).
And compare them with, “Do you suppose that I [Jesus] came to grant peace on earth? I came not to bring peace, but a sword.” (Mat. 10:34); or, “Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on earth? I tell you, no, but rather division… I have come to cast fire on the earth and how I wish it were already kindled.” (Luke 12:49,51)
Or compare Matthew 5:7, “Blessed are the merciful” with the following verses:
“Leave alive nothing that breathes… show them no mercy.” (Deut. 7:2)
“The Lord hardened their hearts… that they might receive no mercy.” (Joshua 11:20)
“I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the Lord: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them… A curse on him who is lax in doing the Lord’s work! A curse on him who keeps his sword from bloodshed.” (Jer. 13:14; 48:10—NIV)
Or compare Matthew 5:44, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” with “Chase your enemies and they will fall before you by the sword.” (Lev. 26:7)
Or take these two verses that depict the joy of vengeance:
“The Lord will rejoice over you to destroy you” (Deut. 28:63)
“The righteous will rejoice when he sees the vengeance, he will bathe his feet in the blood of the wicked” (Ps. 58:10)
And compare such verses with: “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles… If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink… He who rejoices at calamity shall not go unpunished.” (Prov. 17:5; 24:17 & 25:21)
In Deuteronomy 18:20 Yahweh unceremoniously sentences all followers of other gods to death. Hector Avalos in Fighting Words, adds that “nowhere in Mein Kampf is there anything as explicit as the policy of killing Canaanites in Deuteronomy 7 and 20 and 1 Samuel 15” (361).
For Christians, of course, the “Old Testament” has been superseded but note some of the lessons taught in the N.T. In Galatians 1:8 Paul curses any man or angel who dares to proclaim a contrary gospel, and in 2 Peter 2:1 “swift destruction” is prescribed for all false prophets and teachers. Indeed, according to Acts a husband and wife are struck dead immediately after lying to Peter about having given all they had to the church. And in 1 Cor. Paul states that God himself judges Christians by making “many ill, and some fallen asleep [dead]” because of the unsatisfactory way they had been celebrating the Lordʼs Supper.
To quote Robert Ingersoll: He says: “Honor thy father and mother,” and yet this God, in the person of Christ, offered honors, and glory, and happiness an hundred fold to any who would desert their father, and mother to follow for him. Thou shalt not kill, yet God killed the first-born of Egypt, and he commanded Joshua to kill all his enemies, not sparing old or young, man, woman or child, even an unborn child.
Lastly, itʼs ironic that in the book of Job God reserves his harshest judgment for Jobʼs friends who try to come up with a list of reasons why God was punishing poor old Job, i.e., who try to explain and justify suffering, who are apologists for Yahweh.
If it was the exact word of God it would be real clear and easy to understand. God's got a way with words, being the creator of language and all.
Bill Hicks (comedian)
God said to Moses, “Take off your shoes from off your feet” in his redundant way. (Ex. 3:5, KJV)
David Steinberg
In what place soever ye enter into an house, there abide till ye depart from that place.
- Mark 6:10
And what glass soever ye drink from, lift it to your lips till ye put it down. Duhh!
- E.T.B.
The Bible contains the same exaggerated speech, boastful lies and holy hyperbole common for its day and age, rather than evidence of special inspiration.
Jubal: he was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ [or flute, NIV].
- Genesis 4:21
“All?” Were the ancient Hebrews claiming that one person in particular brought musical instruments to the world, just as the Greeks portrayed Prometheus as the one human-like god who brought fire down from heaven and gave it to all of humanity? It would appear so, even though stringed instruments and blowing instruments were probably invented numerous times by countless numbers of people over the ages and round the world after someone plucked something or blew into something and enjoyed what they heard.
- E.T.B.
In this passage, Hebrew spies tell their desert-wandering comrades what they found in Canaan:
…all the people that we saw in it are men of a great stature. And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.
- Numbers 13:32-33
The spies are clearly exaggerating (cf. Barker, p. 210). If “all the people” were of such great size, one wonders how to account for the apparently normal size of Rahab, the Gibeonites, and others that Joshua encounters upon entering Canaan 38 years later (cf. Joshua 6:25, 9:3-15).
- Peter T. Chattaway, “Giants in the Bible,” RELG 303, March 10, 1994
The camels were without number as the sand of the sea.
- Judges 7:12
If the entire surface of the earth was filled with camels they would not be “without number,” nor would they be as plentiful as “the sand of the sea.”
- E.T.B.
As the host of heaven cannot be counted, and the sand of the sea cannot be measured, so I will multiply the descendants of David.
- Jeremiah 33:22
A Hebrew cultural-centric exaggeration. The number of David's descendants is nowhere near the number of stars in heaven, nor sand in the sea.
- E.T.B.
Among all this people there were seven hundred chosen men left-handed; every one could sling stones at a hair's breath, and not miss.
- Judges 20:16
Seven hundred who could sling stones at “a hair's breath,” and “not miss?” I'm surprised the author's nose didn't grow when he told that one. Even the greatest sharp shooters at the turn of this century, who performed in Wild West traveling shows, and shot cards out of each other's hands, did not retire with all their fingers—because they “missed” some shots by “a hair's breath.”
- E.T.B.
Their slain shall be cast out, and their stink shall come up out of their carcasses, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood.
- Isaiah 34:3
It would take quite a lot of blood to melt a mountain. Isaiah must have been confusing mountains with molehills.
- E.T.B.
The famine was over all the face of the earth…And all countries came unto Egypt to Joseph to buy corn; because the famine was so sore in all lands.
- Genesis 41:56,57
“Over all the face of the earth… all countries… all lands?” More exaggerated speech. Were folks in far off China and Japan and Australia and North and South America “sorely famished” and had to go to “Egypt” to buy corn?
- E.T.B.
[In one of the plagues with which the Lord smote Egypt] All the dust of the land became lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
- Exodus 8:17
Doesn't the Bible use the word “dust” to describe the ground, mud, and sand upon which we all walk as in “the dust of the earth?” Therefore if “all the dust of the land became lice” would not the Egyptians have drowned in lice and the pyramids been adrift in seas of lice? “Knock, knock.” “Who's there?” “Lice.” “Lice Who?” “Run for your lice!”
- E.T.B.
In one plague with which the Lord smote Egypt “all the cattle of Egypt died.” But a few days after that, “all the firstborn cattle died.”
- Exodus 9:6 & 12:29
Another exaggerated way of speaking. Or perhaps the Lord resurrected the “firstborn” among the cattle just so he could smite them again?
- E.T.B.
[The Lord said to the Israelites when they were wandering in the desert] “This day will I begin to put the dread of thee and the fear of thee upon the nations that are under the whole heaven, who shall hear report of thee, and shall tremble, and be in anguish because of thee.”
- Deuteronomy 2:25
A typical Hebrew cultural-centric exaggeration, i.e., to speak of the nations “under the whole heaven… shall hear report of thee… and tremble.”
- E.T.B.
In the year 1553 Michael Servetus was on trial for his life in Geneva, Switzerland on the charge of heresy. One point raised by the prosecution was Servetus's edition of Ptolemy's Geography, in which Judea (the “promised land” of the Jews), was spoken of, not as “a land flowing with milk and honey,” but mainly meagre, barren, and inhospitable. In his trial this simple statement of geographical fact was used against him by Protestant Refomer, John Calvin, with fearful power. In vain did Servetus plead that he had simply drawn the words from a previous edition of Ptolemy; in vain did he declare that this statement was a simple geographical truth of which there were ample proofs; it was answered that such language “necessarily inculpated Moses, and grievously outraged the Holy Ghost.”
A. D. White, A History of the Warfare of Science with Theology in Christendom, Vol. 1
I have set my king upon the holy hill of Zion… Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen [as slaves] for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession. Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron.
- Psalm 2:6,8,9,12
The above psalm is believed to have been sung at the coronations of Hebrew kings. Another Hebrew cultural-centric exaggeration. (Though it must be admitted that this psalm later proved popular with some Catholics and Protestants who used it to justify their “breaking” of the “heathen,” driving them into slavery and stealing their land in alleged fulfillment of this exaggerated Biblical promise.)
- E.T.B.
[Jesus said] “The Queen of the South [i.e., the Queen of Sheba] came from the uttermost parts of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon.”
- Matthew 12:42
The Queen's residence, being probably on the Arabian Gulf, could not have been more than twelve or fourteen hundred miles from Jerusalem. If that is the “uttermost parts of the earth” then it is a small world after all.
- E.T.B.
All the kings of the earth sought the presence of Solomon, to hear his wisdom.
- 2 Chronicles 9:23
“All the kings of the earth?” Another silly Hebrew cultural-centric exaggeration.
- E.T.B.
The devil took him [Jesus] up into an exceedingly high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them.
- Matthew 4:8
Shown “all the kingdoms of the world” from an “exceedingly high mountain?” I suppose so, if the mountain was “exceedingly high” and the earth was flat. Verses in the Bible's book of Daniel presume a flat earth the same way that verses in Matthew do:
I saw a tree in the midst of the earth, and the height thereof was great. The tree grew, and the height thereof reached unto heaven, and the sight thereof to the end of all the earth.
- Daniel 4:10-11
Instead of an “exceedingly high” mountain from which “all the kingdoms of the earth” can be seen, Daniel pictures a tree “whose height was great,” growing from the “midst” or center of the earth and “seen” to “the ends of all the earth.”
Funny how such flagrantly flat-earth verses appear in both the Old and New Testaments. “Bible believers” will of course reply that such verses are only “apparently difficult” to explain, and not the “real truth” as they see it. But it is the “apparent difficulties” that remain in the Bible, as it was written, and they will always remain there, regardless of all the ingenuity employed in explaining them away.
- E.T.B.
A decree went out from Caesar Augustus that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth.
- Luke 2:1
“All the inhabited earth?” The Romans and Hebrews indulged in the same cultural-centric exaggerations when it came to viewing their cultures as central to “all the earth.”
- E.T.B.
And there were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven.
- Acts 2:5
“Out of every nation under heaven?” Another exaggeration.
- E.T.B.
A great famine all over the world took place in the reign of Claudius.
- Acts 11:28
“All over the world?” Another exaggeration.
- E.T.B.
Paul the apostle wrote:
Their voice [of first-century proclaimers of the Christian Gospel] has gone out into all the earth, and their words to the ends of the world.
The mystery is now manifested and… has been made known to all the nations.
The gospel, which has come to you, just as in all the world.
The gospel… which was proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul was made a minister.
- Romans 10:18; 16:25-26; Colossians 1:5-6,23
Sorry Paul, but “Their voice” (of Christians proclaiming the Gospel) had only reached a handful of churches in the Roman Empire when you wrote the above verses. The Gospel had not reached, nor been proclaimed in “all the earth,” nor “to the ends of the world,” nor “to all nations,” and certainly not “in all creation under heaven,” not like you said it “has” and “was.” (Three billion people on earth still haven't heard “the Gospel,” at least not according to a statement made by the Southern Baptist Convention in 2004.)
The early church father, Iraenaeus, maintained Paul's charade when he wrote: “Now the Church, spread throughout all the world even to the ends of the earth;” “…even though she has been spread over the entire world;” “Anyone who wishes to see the truth can observe the apostle's traditions made manifest in every church throughout the whole world.” (Iraenaeus, Against Heresies, 1.10.1, 1.10.2, 3.3.1-2) Not a very big “world,” mind you, leaving out most of Asia and Africa, not to mention the continents of Australia, North America and South America.
If an all-wise God had inspired the Bible He would have been able to give its human authors a few inspired geography lessons, just to show them how big the earth really is. Instead the Bible contains the same exaggerated speech, boastful lies and holy hyperbole common for its day and age, rather than evidence of special inspiration.
Furthermore, if the Bible is speaking in an exaggerated fashion when it speaks of “all the earth,” “to the ends of the earth,” “from the uttermost parts of the earth,” “all the inhabited earth,” “in all creation under heaven,” “under all the heavens,” and, “every nation under heaven,” then how can anyone be expected to assume that the statement, “everywhere under the heavens,” as found in the tale of the Flood of Noah isn't also an exaggeration? (It says in Gen. 7:17, “The water prevailed… and all the high mountains everywhere under the heavens were covered.” Why couldn't the phrase, “everywhere under the heavens,” be another exaggeration to make the Hebrew version of the Flood story (which they stole from the Sumerians/Babylonians) sound more impressive and appeal to the cultural-centrism of the Hebrew's? After all, they did also change the name of the story's hero and the name of the mountain upon which the boat eventually rested, just to suit their culture.
Having run across so many instances of cultural-centric exaggerated speech in the Bible one even wonders what is to become of the central Christian boast, the exaggeration par excellence, namely that Jesus died for the sins of “the world?” Believers from every sacred tradition boast that their beliefs affect “the world,” or must be taken utterly seriously by “the world.” Must they? I cannot take seriously many instances in which Biblical authors exaggerate about the extent of a famine, a census, the distance to a queen's residence, the extent to which a message has been spread, the extent of a flood, etc. And, didn't “orthodox” Christian doctrines and theology arise via exaggerating the importance of some of the alleged teachings of Jesus above others (as well as by exaggerating the importance of some interpretations of those sayings above rival interpretations)?
E.T.B.
An Exaggeration Found At The End Of The Fourth Gospel
The Gospel of John ends with this verse:
And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written, every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen.
- John 21:25
“The world itself” could not contain the books of “many other things which Jesus did?” The author of the Fourth Gospel was not displaying much prophetic ability when he wrote that line, I guess he wasn't inspired enough to foresee that we can now store whole libraries in a single laptop computer and accompanying CDs.
Moreover, the books we do have that tell of “things Jesus did,” consist of only four slim “Gospels,” not one of them over forty pages in length. Two of them, Matthew and Luke, even repeat over 90% of what appears in Mark. So the four Gospels minus the overlapping portions would be even slimmer. Not a lot of “books” about what Jesus did I'm afraid. To reiterate the silly last sentence in the fourth Gospel:
And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written, every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen.
Is there a less convincing way for an allegedly “inspired” book to end than with the faltering phrase, “I suppose?”
“I suppose” such a last verse made sense to believers back then, who were being regaled and entertained by ever new and fabulous tales of Jesus's infancy, youth and adulthood churned out by their fellows and incorporated into additional “Gospels” many of which we only know the titles of today. But ending an inspired book with such a silly exaggeration, followed by the faltering words, “I suppose,” does not make much of an impression, not even strictly literarily speaking.
E.T.B.
Exaggerated Commands: “Cut And Pluck” To Avoid “Hell”
Take the following verses:
[Jesus said] If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
- Matthew 5:29-30, repeated redundantly in Matthew 18:8
[Jesus said] If thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee; it is better for thee to enter life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
- Matthew 18:8
[Jesus also taught] All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs… which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
- Matthew 19:12
The inspired words concerning “cutting off” body parts to avoid being “cast into hell,” along with Jesus's praise of those who “made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven,” made a deep impression on Origin (an early church Father). He castrated himself.
During the sixteenth century both Catholics and Protestants liked to cite the verses about “cutting off body parts” as a justification behind the censoring and execution of heretics in order that heresies might not spread to the rest of the “body of Christ” and the whole of Christendom risk being “cast into hell.”
And in the 1700 to1800s a group of Christians in Russia called the Skoptzies cut off their own testicles and scrotums. Female members mutilated their vulvas, breasts and nipples. (“For the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.” Luke 23:29) Furthermore, they taught that if you also removed your penis (or removed both breasts if you were female) you would be granted the highest honors in heaven. Apparently with the aid of a perfect holy book like the Bible and with the promise of the Holy Spirit to “lead believers into all truth,” this was the truth that the Skoptzies came up with. Bodily sexual temptations could lead to hell, so if mutilating the body aided a person in denying those temptations, it increased one's chances of avoiding hell and attaining heaven.
Maybe God could have used less emphatic language and not linked the cutting off of body parts with avoiding hell? “Let him who has ears to hear…”
“Whaaat? I can't hear you, I recently cut my ears off. They ‘offended’ me. And I would rather be in heaven without them than be cast into everlasting fire with them.”
- E.T.B.
Too Much Reverence For The Literal Words Of The Bible Coupled With Too Much “Fear Of God?”
Construction worker Thomas W. Passmore, 32, filed a lawsuit in April for $3.35 million against Sentara Norfolk, Virginia, General Hospital and four doctors over the loss of his hand. Passmore admits to having cut off the hand because he believed it to be possessed by the devil and to having refused twice to allow doctors to reattach it. However, he claims the hospital was negligent in not asking his family to overrule his poor decision.
- Tulsa World (AP), May 14, 1996
According to the story above, Mr. Passmore thought he saw the number “666” on his right hand, and, “If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee, for it is better to enter eternal life maimed than have two hands and be cast into everlasting fire.” Mr. Passmore sued the hospital for not having reattached his hand, but he is an adult and if the hospital had operated against his will he might have sued anyway for violating his wishes, or maybe even for violating his “freedom of religion,” like when Jehovah's Witnesses deny themselves blood transfusions, and the doctors must comply even if that person is bleeding to death, because the Jehovah's Witness religion interprets the Biblical passage, “the life is in the blood” to mean that blood transfusions are forbidden.
- E.T.B.
Ivan Henk, of Plattsmouth, Neb., whose son, Brendan Gonzalez, age 4, had been missing since Jan. 6, admitted in a courtroom outburst in April that he killed his son. “The reason I killed Brendan is that he was the Antichrist. He had 666 on his forehead.”
- Lincoln Journal Star, April 30, 2003
A thirty-two-year-old Filipino farmer sliced his genitals off with a machete in a fit of religious fervor because he believed his penis was leading him to sin. In a follow-up to this story: He was right, and it worked.
- Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live News
Jimmy Fallon's joke was based on a 2002 or 2003 news story, and not that unusual for the Philippines because every Easter a number of fervent Christians in that country publicly act out Jesus's sufferings: They are whipped, or walk down the road carrying a cross from which they are later suspended with ropes. In a few extraordinary cases, some people have even sought to be crucified, but not to death.
- E.T.B.
[Jesus commanded] Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not away.
- Matthew 5:42
Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again… But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
- Luke 6:30,35
Next time an evangelical Christian targets you with their soul-seeking missiles, tell them to look up the above verses and read them aloud. After which, ask them for their Bible. If they do not give you their Bible then ask them to please turn to the end of the same sermon in which Jesus spoke the verses above, and read aloud what Jesus said at the very end of that sermon, emphasizing the word “doeth”:
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father…Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man… And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man.
- Matthew 7:21-24,26
Remind your evangelical friend that if they do not “doeth” what Jesus commandeth them, they risk hearing Jesus say unto them, “Depart from me, ye that work iniquity!” Is that what they want to hear Jesus say to them? Or do they want to give you their Bible, since you asked them for it?
After they have handed it over, tell them, “Thank you,” and say that you don't want to keep their Bible forever, nor destroy it. You would just like them to read a few books about the Bible, books that take a more “inquisitive” approach to the Bible and Christianity, like Hitting Below the Bible Belt. And then you will return their Bible to them.
Speaking of “giving to all who ask,” here's an idea for the IRS to try. They should print Mat. 5:42 and Luke 6:30 on all tax forms. Beneath the verses should be a little note from the IRS that says, “We ask all Bible believing Christians, especially wealthy televangelists and pastors of mega-churches, to not claim religious tax exemptions this year.”
In fact, I invite everyone to ask their “Bible believing Christian” friends for money every day and keep asking, especially any fat cat Christian ministers they might know. Call their TV stations and radio stations, stand up in their mega-churches, etc., and quote the above verses and ask them for money. There is no limit put on the above commands.
E.T.B.
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name… They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them.
- Mark 16:17-18
This promise (which does not appear in the earliest known manuscripts of the Gospel of Mark) has inspired crippling illnesses and fatalities, including the death of the founder of the “serpent-handling” sect of Baptists who died from a poisonous snakebite.
Of course, if any Christians truly believe that “if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them,” why don't they move their families to homes built on toxic landfills which they could buy for a prayer?
Toxic Acres is the place for me!
Mark 16 lets me live there comfortably.
Land spreadinʼ out so cheap and wide.
Keep sin city just gimmie that DI-OXIDE!
E.T.B.
According to the Bible the number of people who followed Moses out of Egypt during the Exodus was “about six hundred thousand on foot that were men.” (Ex. 12:37) To that number must be added women, children, and a “mixed multitude” of non-Hebrews who followed Moses out of Egypt, raising the total way above the six hundred thousand Hebrew males, and nearer to a grand total of two million men, women and children. That is like the population of New Orleans (or Columbus, Ohio, or San Antonio, Texas), being kept on the move (following “a pillar of smoke by day and a pillar of fire by night”) every day for forty years. The only day of the week they were not moving was the Sabbath day. That's a heap of packing and unpacking—of setting up “camp” and breaking it down again. Of course, God miraculously prevented the Israelites' shoes and clothes from wearing out during the 40 years in the wilderness (Deut. 29:5), and their knee joints too, apparently (though the latter miracle is not mentioned). Plus we are to believe that all the men who were “warriors” walked “outside the camp” (a really huge camp) each time they had to go to the bathroom.
Moreover, there were sacrificial/sacramental duties that also needed to be performed for two million people (must have fit those in at night after they had ceased wandering each day), and the Bible only mentions Aaron and his two sons as being available to conduct all the burnt-offerings, meat-offerings, peace-offerings, sin-offerings, trespass-offerings, thank-offerings for all of the Israelites. (Num. 3:10) Just the number of pigeons to be brought as sin-offerings for newly born children, would have averaged, based on a “multitude” of nearly two million “wanderers,” more than 250 a day, not counting all the bulls, sheep, lambs, rams, goats, and turtle doves needing to be sacrificed for reasons too numerous to mention—and their carcasses having to be bled ceremonially, the fat removed meticulously, the organs burned as an offering to God, and the carcass dragged “outside the camp” to be burned (a camp of perhaps 16 miles in diameter).
Miraculously, these two million or so Israelites left no traces of their forty-years in the wilderness. No traces of encampments, tent holes, potshards (or other items discarded during their marches), nor traces of their daily sacrifices—no evidence of large charred ash deposits nor blackened stones nor bones. (Oddly enough archaeologists have discovered the remains of a small fire in the Sinai wilderness that was carbon-dated back to about that time. But one small fire could not have warmed the alleged two million who marched nearly every day for 40 years up and down the Sinai.)
So staggering are the problems raised by the exaggerated Biblical number of “600,000 males” (an embarrassingly well attested number, repeated three more times in the Bible—on each occasion each separate tribe being numbered, the sum of the results making up the whole), that even conservative Christian scholars have admitted that “600,000 men,” beside children, women, and the mixed multitude, is an exaggeration on par with many others found in ancient Near Eastern lore.
Evangelical Christian, W. M. Flinders Petrie, author of Egypt and Israel (London Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge, 1911) pointed out, “There are… two wholesale checks upon the total numbers. The land of Goshen recently supported 4,000 Bedouin living like the Israelites, or at present holds 12,000 cultivators. To get “600,000 men” with their families out of that district would be utterly impossible. Also on going south the Israelites had almost a drawn battle with the Amalekites of Sinai. The climate of that desert peninsula has not appreciably changed; it will not now support more than a few thousand people, and the former inhabitants cannot have exceeded this amount. How could the Israelites have had any appreciable resistance from a poor desert folk, if they outnumbered them as a hundred to one? Again, we are compelled to suppose that the Israelites were not more than a few thousand altogether. Thus we see that more cannot be got out of Goshen or into Sinai.”
E.T.B.
In the 18th century, Frederick the Great had an army of 83,000 troops when he became King of Prussia. Other states—Austria, France, and Russia—fielded larger armies, but rarely did they approach 100,000 troops. Frederick's greatest victories—Rossbach and Leuthen—involved about 75,000 and 115,000 troops respectively on both sides. Napoleon's greatest victory—Austerlitz—involved about 150,000 troops total. So did Gettysburg, America's greatest Civil War battle. Alexander the Great, who controlled Greece, Macedonia, Thrace (Southern Yugoslavia), and a little bit of Western Anatolia, was able to raise between 90,000 and 100,000 troops total. Yet the Bible says that Hebrew kings, David and Saul, fielded far larger armies than those. King David had 1.57 million troops (1 Chron. 21:5)…or 340,000 plus the muster of Issacher…or 1.3 million (depending on which verses you read). While King Saul could field 210,000 troops. (1 Sam. 15:4)
Did the dry scrubland of Judea—populated by scattered villages and small settlements—raise up armies larger than the Persian Empire's when it faced destruction at Alexander's hand, larger than Frederick the Great's, larger than Napoleon's in all his battles save the invasion of Russia, larger than the Union's and Confederacy's in their epic struggle? Truly such a feat must constitute one of the least heralded miracles in the Bible.
In the ancient world only the greatest powers, such as the Bronze Age Egyptians, Hittites, Assyrians, Babylonians, and later the Persians, fielded armies upward of 50,000 or more…When Egypt's king Ramesses II fought the Hittites at Kadesh in about 1285 B.C.E., he recorded their force as 37,000 infantrymen and 3,500 chariots and said that the Hittites mustered much of the military power of their empire, which covered most of Anatolia, Syria, and a bit of Iraq (Sir Alan Gardiner, The Kadesh Inscriptions of Ramesses II, 1975, p.41-42). Ramesses had possibly the largest army Bronze Age Egypt ever fielded. It is worth noting that in his poetic account of the battle of Kadesh, Ramesses claimed to have personally killed “hundreds of thousands” of Hittites and their allies (Ibid., pp 10-13), and Ramesses probably lost the battle. (Propaganda was invented long before the Israelites appeared.)
William Sierichs, Jr., “Those Amazing Biblical Numbers: Taking Stock of the Armies of Ancient Israel,” The Skeptical Review, Vol. 6, No. 1, 1995
According to the Bible, Abishai & Jashobeam each slew 300 men using only a spear (2 Sam. 23:8 & 1 Chron. 11:11). But that's nothing, because Shamgar slew 600 men with an ox-goad (Judges 3:31). And Adino slew 800 with a spear (2 Sam. 23:8) Do ya suppose Adino was the inventor of Shish-ka-bob? Last but not least, Samson slew 1000 men with the jaw-bone of an ass (Judges 15:15). If only their techniques in the lethal arts of the “spear,” the “ox-goad” and the “jaw-bone” had been preserved for posterity, imagine what martial arts films Chinese directors could make today, featuring hundreds of deaths in one long (and obscenely bloody) scene!
E.T.B.
It is certain that one cannot build up a chronology on the spans of years attributed to the Patriarchs, nor regard it as factual that Abraham was seventy-five years old when he left Harran and a hundred when Isaac was born and that Jacob was a hundred and thirty when he went into Egypt, for the evidence from the skeletons in the Jericho tombs shows that the expectations of life at this period was short. Many individuals seem to have died before they were thirty-five, and few seem to have reached the age of fifty.
- Dr. Kathleen Kenyon (the eminent excavator of the city-mound of Jericho)
According to ancient Sumerian/Babylonian “king lists,” their kings could live for tens of thousands of years, but of course the worthies of the kings lists were not merely men, but gods or demigods (“kings from heaven”), whose ages could consequently be recorded astronomically. The Hebrew authors dealt only with men, and therefore the ages they assigned to them are comparatively modest, less than a thousand years, because above one thousand years is a perspective proper to God alone. (Ps. 90:4). (The Hebrews were partial to that number, “1000,” as anyone can see who does a “search” for it throughout the Bible.)
Interestingly, both the “king lists” and the Hebrew list of the patriarchs are composed of ten kings/patriarchs. And in both lists the number of years that a king reigned (or patriarch lived) dropped after “the Flood.” (The Sumerian/Babylonians had their own “Flood” story that pre-dates the one found in Genesis.) In fact the Babylonian king's ages dropped after their “Flood story” to ages appropriate to the ages of the Hebrew patriarchs before the Flood, i.e., none of the kings after the Flood reigned longer than 960 years.
Professor Bruce Vawtner in A Path Through Genesis, suggests that “Both the Hebrews and Sumerians/Babylonians knew that many more than ten generations had elapsed during these periods. To bridge over the enormous gaps in time, therefore, both of them assigned tremendous ages to the few names that they possessed. While the Babylonians simply set down astronomical figures, none of them under twenty thousand years, the Hebrew author has been comparatively moderate, and above all, he made his ten generations serve a religious purpose.”
But before discussing the ages of the Biblical patriarchs further, one must note that there are three different sources for the Hebrew Bible, the ancient Masoretic text, the Septuagint text, and the Samaritan text, and they record slightly different ages for the patriarchs, and different totals as well if you added all their ages up in a straight line one after the other. The MT gives a total of 1656 years, the Septuagint gives 2242 years, while the Samaritan text gives 1307 year. The MT is the one used in most modern day Bible translations. According to the MT text, Noah is the first man to be born (in the year 1056) after the death of Adam (in the year 930). Thus the author singles out Noah at birth as the beginning of the new generation of post-Adamic man that will follow after the Flood. This contrivance is further strengthened by the Hebrew author's choice to have Methuselah, the longest lived man of the old generation (before the Flood) die precisely in the year when the Flood begins. A clean sweep, therefore, is made of all the patriarchs that preceded Noah and the Flood. And this neatly excludes any implication that the patriarchs were linked to the corrupt world that had to be destroyed, since the last, and the most aged of them dies immediately prior to the Flood. At least that's according to ages given in the MT version of the Old Testament. Secondly, in the MT the age at which the patriarchs “begot,” drops progressively till the beginning of the second half of the list is reached with Jared. Adam, who precedes the first five on the list, and Jared, who precedes the last five of the original ten patriarchs, also lives an identical length of time after “begetting,” i.e., 800 years. Jared also begins his “begetting” 32 years later than Adam, which happens to be 1/2 of the 65 years at which Mahalalel and Enoch (who come directly before and after Jared on the list) begin “begetting.” Enoch, the traditional holy man of the period, who occupies the symbolic 7th place on the list (and whom God “took”) also lived a symbolic number of years (365 being the number of days in the solar year). And simply by doubling Enoch's year at “begetting,” you arrive at Adam's. In fact, all of the numbers of the MT for the ages of the patriarchs, aside from the total age of Methuselah, are in multiples of five or in multiples of five with the addition of seven (seven being the most popular number in the Bible, appearing in various capacities at total of over 500 times). The ancient Sumerian/Babylonian kings list employed a similar fancy of “adding seven” to numbers, like when in two places it explicitly stated that the total length of the monarchic period preceding the Babylonian Flood was “a great sar plus seven sar.”
Other aspects also hint of artifice: In Gen. 6:3 God “allows” man 120 years to live. (“120” is “50” plus “70,” much like the way the ages of the patriarchs in the Masoretic Text of Genesis are all divisible by “5” with the addition sometimes of “7.”) Moses, the supposed author of the passage about God “allowing” man to live 120 years, goes on to live exactly 120 years. Yet in Ps. 90:10 we are told that man lives only 70 years (ah, there's that “7” again). Joseph went to Egypt, and lo, lived to be the ideal Egyptian age of 110 years; then Joshua retrieves Joseph's bones from Egypt and also lives 110 years. Lastly, compare how awkwardly the author of Gen. 11:10-26 and Gen. 25:8 juxtaposes the scene at Abraham's death with the age of his distant relative, Shem, as though he had no idea that people still lived so long as Shem. For the author states that Abraham died “at a good old age, an old man, after a full life,” while Shem, Abraham's 7X great grandfather lived to SEE his 7X great grandson die “at a good old age, an old man, after a full life!” for Shem was, if we take Gen. 11:10-26 literally, alive and 565 years old when Abraham died at a mere 175 years of age.
Vawter's book in chapter 6 and 7 discusses some of the other artifices. All in all, the ages of the patriarchs like the ages of the Sumerian/Babylonian kings, appear mythically larger than life, growing less so the nearer each king (or patriarch) came to the author's actual day. “The Flood” was of course a major disjunction in both their mythologies, separating the world of demi-god-kings (or patriarchs whose father was ”born at the creation and walked with God”) with the latter world nearer to the author's own day.
E.T.B.
If I was teaching a class in the art and craft of writing and someone turned in “the Bible” as their writing assignment, then I guess I would have to ask God what message he was trying to convey to his readers. His emotions and sentiments, like those of his characters, are on a constant roller coaster ride.
For example, Job 5:2 says, “For wrath kills the foolish man, and envy slays the silly one.” So “wrath” is connected with “the foolish man” yet compare:
Let me alone that my wrath may wax hot against them.
- Exodus 31:10 (See also Numbers 16:46)
The Lord shall swallow them up in his wrath, and the fire shall devour them.
- Psalm 21:9
And God often angrily loses his temper:
That the Lord may turn from the fierceness of his anger.
- Deut. 13:17
He made Israel to sin to provoke the Lord God of Israel to anger with their vanities.
- 1 Kings 16:26 (See also: Ex. 32:10; Num. 11:1,16:46, 32:13-14; Judges 3:8, 2:20; 1 Kings 14:9,15:30, 16:2, 16:7, 16:13; 2 Kings 13:3; 2 Samuel 24:1; 2 Chron. 34:25; Psalm 18:7 & Jer. 44:6; Nahum 1:2)
Or take the story about Moses descending from a mountain holding Ten Commandments, one of which says, “Do not kill.” But Moses saw that some of the people had begun worshipping idols, and he says, “Kill every man your [idol worshipping] neighbor.” (Ex. 32:27)
So, depending on the circumstances, we have either “Love your neighbor” (Lev. 19:18 & the Gospels), or, “Kill every man your neighbor.” (Ex. 32:27)
And the same Moses who taught “Do not kill” also commanded the Israelites to “kill every [Midianite] male among the little ones?” (Num. 31:17)
And what about the use of the word “Blessed” to describe two very different sentiments in Matthew 5:9 and Psalm 137:9, respectively:
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.”
“Blessed will be the one who dashes your little ones against the rock.”
Or take Psalm 34:14, “Seek peace, and pursue it;” and Luke 2:14, “Peace on earth, good will toward men [at Jesus's birth];” and Jesus's teaching, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God” (Mat. 5:9), and “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you” (John 14:27a).
And compare them with, “Do you suppose that I [Jesus] came to grant peace on earth? I came not to bring peace, but a sword.” (Mat. 10:34); or, “Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on earth? I tell you, no, but rather division… I have come to cast fire on the earth and how I wish it were already kindled.” (Luke 12:49,51)
Or compare Matthew 5:7, “Blessed are the merciful” with the following verses:
“Leave alive nothing that breathes… show them no mercy.” (Deut. 7:2)
“The Lord hardened their hearts… that they might receive no mercy.” (Joshua 11:20)
“I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the Lord: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them… A curse on him who is lax in doing the Lord's work! A curse on him who keeps his sword from bloodshed.” (Jer. 13:14; 48:10—NIV)
Or compare Matthew 5:44, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” with “Chase your enemies and they will fall before you by the sword.” (Lev. 26:7)
Or take these two verses that depict the joy of vengeance:
“The Lord will rejoice over you to destroy you” (Deut. 28:63)
“The righteous will rejoice when he sees the vengeance, he will bathe his feet in the blood of the wicked” (Ps. 58:10)
And compare such verses with: “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles… If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink… He who rejoices at calamity shall not go unpunished.” (Prov. 17:5; 24:17 & 25:21)
God should have slowed down and concentrated more when He wrote the Bible. However, if He had, that would have left theologians with little to do, since it is their job to contrive ingenious explanations that make “perfect” sense out of every verse in the Bible. I suppose English teachers could do the same thing with the papers they grade—they could contrive a host of ingenious explanations to make every exaggerated, contradictory, imprecise statement in a fictional story or research paper appear to make “perfect” sense. But what would be the point in concocting so many ingenious explanations? Simply to spare giving the child a “D” on their writing assignment?
E.T.B.
Additions To Above: Editing Required
In Deuteronomy 18:20, for instance, Yahweh unceremoniously sentences all followers of other gods to death. For Christians, of course, the Tanakh or “Old Testament” has been superseded by a new collection of texts, many of which are similarly belligerent. In Galatians 1:8 Paul curses any man or angel who dares to proclaim a contrary gospel, and in 2 Peter 2:1 “swift destruction” is prescribed for all false prophets and teachers.
Avalos reminds us, “nowhere in Mein Kampf is there anything as explicit as the policy of killing Canaanites in Deuteronomy 7 and 20 and 1 Samuel 15” (361).
Hector Avalos. 2005. Fighting Words: The Origins of Religious Violence. Amherst, NY: Promethus Books. 444 pp.
Review of Fighting Words (2006)
Kenneth Krause
He says: “Honor thy father and mother,” and yet this God, in the person of Christ, offered honors, and glory, and happiness an hundred fold to any who would desert their father, and mother for him. Thou shalt not kill, yet God killed the first-born of Egypt, and he commanded Joshua to kill all his enemies, not sparing old or young, man, woman or child, even an unborn child.
Robert Ingersoll
Armies of Bible scholars and theologians have for centuries found respected employment devising artful explanations of the Bible often not meaning what it says.
J. S. Bullion, Jr.
The Bible commands:
Make no mention of the name of other gods, neither let it be heard out of thy mouth
- Exodus 23:13
Keeping in mind such a command, consider someone who eats a bowl of cereal then hops into their Saturn with Atlas tires on a Thursday afternoon in March to go rent the movie, Apollo 13. “Cereal” is named after “Ceres,” the Roman goddess of grain; “Saturn” was a Roman god; “Atlas” a Greek god; “Thursday” means “Thor's day” and “Thor” was a Norse god; “March” is named after “Mars,” a Roman god; and “Apollo” is another Greek god. As you can see, it is a little difficult in today's world to cease mentioning “other gods.” Even the membrane that closes off the vagina on virginal females is named after “Hymen,” a god of the Wedding feast. So how do you avoid “the names of other gods being heard out of your mouth?”
To add insult to irony, “Biblical hermeneutics” is the art or science of Biblical interpretation and is taught in every seminary, yet the word “hermeneutics” is based on the name of the Greek god, “Hermes.”
E.T.B.
By His windy breath the heavens are cleared.
- Job 26:13
From the breath of God ice is made, And the expanse of the waters is frozen.
- Job 37:10
He says to the snow, fall to the earth, and to the rain, be strong.
- Job 37:6
He draws up the drops of water which the clouds pour down.
- Job 36:27
Who hath gathered the wind in his fists?
- Proverbs 30:4
[Clouds] turn around by His guidance.
- Job 37:12
He covers His hands with the lightning. And commands it to strike the mark. Its noise declares His presence; The cattle also, concerning what is coming up.
- Job 36:32-33
His thunder is incomprehensible.
- Job 26:14
Listen closely to the thunder of His voice, And the rumbling that goes out from His mouth, Under the whole heaven He lets it loose, And His lightning to the ends of the earth. After it a voice roars; He thunders with His majestic voice; And He does not restrain his lightnings when His voice is heard. God thunders with his voice wondrously.
- Job 37: 1-5 (NASB)
This just in…God breathed on Chicago, and His mighty thunder incomprehensibly shattered several windows in the Sears Tower.
- E.T.B.
The very god who, according to those who believe in him, made every last electron spin in its orbit everywhere throughout the universe, cannot write a clear, unmistakable volume of instructions to human beings who are supposed to follow his wishes?
Fred Woodworth
If God got a job as an author of technical documentation, he'd be back on the streets within a week.
Overheard on an internet discussion group
Odd, isn't it, that some assume it all to be a divine revelation? If it is all so terribly important, why can we no longer even tell what some of it means?
David Coomler
The Bible is like a badly Xeroxed chain-letter.
- Unknown
